what the fuck?

so. you may be wondering what the fuck "the year of the meatball" is.

let me tell you: this is the year i learn how to make a meatball.

what? is that all it is? well...yes and no. see...there's a story...

for those of you who are new, i'll do a quick recap: 2009 and 2010 suck. enough? no? well then:

2009 started off a little rough. a darling friend passed away in april from a heart attack at the age of 37. i had just spoken with him the week before and we had planned on doing lunch as soon as he got back to town (he was in arizona at the time). we never made it to that lunch.

in july my son's step-mother and brand new baby boy passed away during child birth. i can't even begin to say how devastating that was on so many different levels. you can check my other blog if you're curious to know more.

in august my younger brother was in a horrific bike accident and ended up in neurosurgery and a medically induced coma and we came horribly close to losing him. unfortunately, a few months later (october) we did lose him, only to suicide instead of an accident.

i thought 2009 was bad...i had no idea what 2010 had in store. in august this year, just when it felt the world was righting itself and things were looking up, the universe threw in a major sucker punch: my father and step-mother and one other state trooper were all taken much too early from this life in a massive house fire in the early morning hours of august 16th.

god. that never gets easier to type.

SO. in the course of a year i've lost friends, loved ones, and nearly all of my family.

but- what the fuck does all this have to do with meatballs?

i'm quitting my job as of 12/31/2010.

what the fuck does THAT have to do with meatballs?

i'm not going to wait any more. i'm not going to wait to some day spend time with my kids. i'm not going to wait to some day try writing. i'm not going to wait to some day have time to see what i want to be when i grow up. i'm not going to work for retirement. i'm not going to keep putting things off. i'm going to do it NOW. i'm going to take a year off and learn how to be a mom. i'm going to spend time in classrooms before it's embarrassing to have me around. i'm going to spend time with my kids besides rushing to school, hurrying to get dinner ready, hurrying to bed. i'm going to really try writing. i'm going to really try my art work. i'm going to learn how to make real meals that aren't out of a box.

i'm going to learn how to make meatballs.

my dad had a "secret family recipe" for spaghetti and meatballs. i made it maybe twice ever with him. hell or high water this year i'm going to remember that recipe and learn how to make meatballs.

i talked to a friend at work about this. she told me that i was allowed to leave work on two conditions: #1 that we have lunch several times throughout the year, and #2 that i document the journey. so. here i am. documenting. i have no idea what to expect from this year. i have no idea where it will lead or what will come of it. but i'll share the whole journey here. every happy, grim, tempestuous, calm, exciting, dull moment. 

so here begins: the year of the meatball.

**disclaimer**

if you've read my stuff before, you should be used to me. if you're new, there's a few things you need to know...consider yourself warned:

#1 i don't like punctuation. deal with it. well, not so much punctuation as the shift key. everything will be lower case. yes, i know it's not "proper" but it's they way i like to type. also, this way if you see something in caps then you know i mean it...

#2 i've been known to curse a little in my blogs. ok. more than a little. FINE. i've been compared to kevin smith in my ability to drop the f-bomb in every way, shape, and description as needed. it happens. some days i'm pissed off and being polite and beeping myself out just doesn't cut it. if you don't like it, piss off. it's how i write. no, i'm not undereducated. yes, i know there are probably other words that could get the same point across. but i write the way i write. NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO READ THIS. so deal with it or, as i said before, piss off.

#3 everything i write is my own opinion, my own thought, it's me on paper (well, not really on paper now...is it. it's me in text and code and special computer thingys i don't understand). i don't expect you to agree with me all of the time, hell, you don' t have to agree with me any of the time. i don't care. it's my blog. it's my voice. i'm not associated with anyone, i'm not speaking for anyone, it's just me. if i steal a thought or a quote from someone, i'll let you know, other wise it's all me, all the time.

#4 i'm random. i'm odd. i'm long-winded. i have a dark sense of humor. occasionally i'll be chipper. sometimes i'll be sappy. most of the time i'll be snarky. i write what i think and what i feel. sometimes i'll cross the information border. sometimes you'll wish there was an undo button for what you just read. some days you may feel the need to soak your brain (and eyes) in a bucket of bleach when you're done (okay, maybe not THAT bad).

welcome to my blog. you've been warned.